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The Man Myths (c) Misdirection | Full 1mpact

The Man Myths (c) Misdirection

 

Years ago when deciding to be a part of Full 1mpact, I envisioned a place where guys could be a part of something where they could grow in a stable environment.  I saw a place that teaches everything from health and sexuality, to true masculinity.  In that vision was a group that decided we would not be fooled by pop-media, nor would we bow down to broken belief systems that are harmful to everyone.  That choice was spawned by my own journey through myths, lies, and half-truths that pepper a boy’s growing up experience.

In that journey I had to literally swim through information and misinformation from one study group to another or from one men’s guru, to another.  But this has never stopped.  Every bit of information I find, I keep.  Good or bad.  The reason is simple; I want to help where I needed help during my life span.  That vision I mentioned?  Yeah, the one where guys learn about real masculinity?  We can’t teach that if we don’t understand or haven’t experienced the triumphs or failures ourselves.  Recently we’ve been going through the Man Myths curriculum, in doing so we’ve had to once again swim through the video guru’s and leaders to find some gold.  In doing so, I’ve stumbled across a myriad of misinformation.  It is no wonder boys have such a misunderstanding as to the steps to manhood.

I going to write about three recent videos I came across while exploring the net on men’s leaders, guru’s, teachers, mentors, etc.  I am not going to mention their name, business, name of company or ministry.  This isn’t to slander them as an individual.  This is also not to do a comparison of us to them.  This is simply to point out some teachings I came across that I believe are damaging.  I believe most of these guys are earnest in their teachings and really believe they are helping.  I also don’t want to give them anymore web traffic than needed if I can help it.  I’m writing this to give an alternate viewpoint.

Video Guru #1:

In the search for helping guys create that spark of attraction with women I had to dig through endless amounts of material form world renown pickup artists to attraction gurus.  Most are misunderstood in the nature of their teachings, but many are just trying to help guys with absolutely rubbish dating skills.  They teach guys who just have no idea where to start but would really like to be with a girl.  Thus bringing me, Guru 1.

The main teachings:  Guru 1 has a huge reputation in the pickup artist community and has even had several reality shows to back up his skills.  He teaches guys scripted techniques on how to talk to women to create the attraction.  Just as important he also teaches perfect body language to project to a girl to create attraction and uses sociological and psychological techniques that have been long considered controversial, despite how effective those techniques might be.  His shtick is that the scripts work and has even had boot camp contests for men, where the guy who picks up a girl fastest with his scripted techniques wins a trip to his mansion and other prizes.

The Issue:  I have read cover to cover, most of this man’s books.  He comes from a place of fierce female rejection and humiliation at a young age when he just wanted to be with a beautiful girl.  So he tries to spare men that same pain.  The issue at hand is that it’s scripted.  I’m not talking pick-up lines or lame jokes, I am talking about well thought out and planned scripts with body language and everything.  As though you are an actor in a movie.  And that is the problem.

Men are taught that this is all they need to know.  Many master the techniques and do very well with the ladies.  There are also blogs about where to go after you’ve gotten her home a few times.  How then do you develop an actual relationship?  You see, the script only teaches you how to create a cardboard cutout of a man, display it, and hope the girl doesn’t see behind it.

As a teacher he hasn’t taught the guys internal steps to great character, how to treat a woman for long-term romance, or how to communicate that direction if that is where your interest is.  In a recent article sex expert, Timaree Schmit, posted; “When Can We Bang?” http://sexwithtimaree.com/2013/01/30/when-can-we-bang/  she covers the importance of a pure line of communication.  Something we’ve also stressed at Full 1mpact.  There is nothing wrong with honest communications about your intentions.

On a side note, as I said previously, I have read this man’s material.  I believe for guys who are just starting to test the waters in talking to beautiful, attractive, women, this is a good way to get their feet wet and actually obtain some confidence to try talking to women using these techniques.  Sort of like a starter kit.  But for guys who want deep game, this shouldn’t by any means be permanent.  Let’s move on.

 

Video Guru #2:

The main teachings:  He believes too many men put women on a pedestal.  (I agree.)  However he also refers to a woman’s attitude when disagreeing with your attempts of “attraction” as a “bitch attitude” and warns against it.  Like Guru 1, he teaches forms of body language that is linked to the sub-conscious and therefore comes across as much stronger and more persuasive, if not purely manipulative.  He often refers to women in derogatory form and is applauded by his audience.

He does side courses on confidence, but it is usually peppered with what I call “comparison confidence” where your confidence is derived from something inferior about someone else.  In his main teaching he makes these three claims:  1. He can get you laid faster than any other teaching guru.  2.  The women won’t know what to do about you. (This I actually agree, but from the sheer shock of offense spewed their way.)  3.  You will learn to be a true Alpha-Male.

The Issue:  Where do I begin?  Guru 2 also comes from a background of deep seeded rejection stemming all the way from his mother, he admits in a video interview from 2004.   His teachings dive straight into the fountain of misogynistic fortitude.  Though he deeply believes he is helping young men get “laid the easy way,” he is constantly teaching from a platform of “Us against Them.”  He constantly degrades women and hints at Rape Culture with his subconsciously persuasive “touch” body language where he has taught that an innocent pat on the butt is okay if it’s done correctly.  Where I come from that can be considered sexual assault.

Putting anyone, (Women, Men, a specific race) in a place of “lesser than you,” helps no one.  It stems from lack of understanding, and reaps destructive relationships.  It also promotes the mistreatment of women and men you see lesser than yourself.  To me, that is bullying and is not an okay attribute.

Guru 2’s Alpha Male Club teachings; A true man never has to compare or prove himself to anyone but himself.  And a supposed “alpha” never has to belittle other men as a way of making themselves as higher status.  There is little I find helpful about Guru 2’s teachings.  The majority is offensive and comes across really manipulative.

Video Guru #3:

The Main Teachings:  This gentleman is a teacher who often teaches in men’s seminars on helping boys become men and does a fairly decent job of pointing out boy behavior that continues into adulthood.  He also identifies the struggle with modern time’s inability to distinctly identify real manhood or masculinity.  Often uses the media as an example of how marketing targets young men in their ads.  “Real men buy this,” or “Real men want this thing,” and then young men go out and buy those very objects in hoping to be “real men.”

He goes into detail about how real men skip adolescents and understand 5 basic sociological changes that move them straight into adulthood.   Guru 3 also teachings men on becoming givers, and not takers and those real men don’t need to acquire large school debts or credit card debts buying toys.  He then calls people out for enabling a long list of unattractive boy behavior.  And those people are mothers, sisters, and girlfriends to these boys.  Because they’re enabling and allowing this behavior.

The Issue:  Though I find myself agreeing on the behavior aspect of his teachings and also the increasing inability of guys to identify what it takes to be a real man, I am afraid that Guru 3 speaks in half-truths.  Though he successfully labels the five major sociological changes boys have made over the centuries that helped step them into manhood, it is taught as, “Do these five things, and you will be a man.” It comes across as though it is just that simple.  But it isn’t that simple, especially when the majority of masculinity stems from the internal, not the external.

When he teaches on boy behaviors that carry into adulthood, he uses a tactic I refer to as shame teaching.  This is a tactic used where you make fun of the people doing the undesired behavior, usually in your audience, explain the undesired scenario, and teach it in a way that shames the people that may have done said behavior.  I’ve seen this style in the corporate world, I’ve seen in done by my own teachers, my peers in middle school when I didn’t go out for a sport, and I’ve done it myself to others.  It is relatively ineffective, and doesn’t give the steps a person needs to improve if they lack the skills or tools.

He preaches on to say men should know their vocation and just go into it without acquiring school debt.  I find this impossible if you believe your calling is a doctor, psychologist, lawyer….the list goes on.  I do not believe most people can pay for extensive schooling with cash, nor do I believe anyone is less of a man for needing loans to finish school.  This has NOTHING to do with masculinity.

Lastly, Guru 3 calls out the guys for their cowardice behavior, their unattractive behavior, and then calls out the people who’ve enabled such behavior.  Moms and girlfriends.  The women of these boys’ lives.  He fails to mention the Fathers role in all of this.  So he solely places the finger on women as the enablers of that behavior in the upbringing of the boy to a man.  This creates a woman dishonoring attitude and a chance to use them as an excuse for such behavior.

Though I will agree that a mom, as a parent, is responsible for raising their own children, the father’s role is just as crucial if not more so in laying out the steps of walking into manhood.  (Which Guru 3 also fails to mention.)  In the hours of shame teaching, making fun of men who have no confidence, and scapegoating the issues; he also fails in giving distinct steps to take to help with any of the issues he has with guys.  He is, however, happy to go on rants at how many of the men in his congregation irritate and frustrate him.

In conclusion, I’ve mentioned these Guru’s as a way of showing us what is out there.  The frightening part is, many men are buying into this in hopes of answering their life long question, “Am I a man?” or, “Will this make me a man?”  Many of the men buying into these teachings are also hurt and looking for a remedy.  In growing up I was bombarded with similar messages.  Filtering through them was and always has been a challenge.  So what is the truth?  We created The Man Myths © to uncover those truths and de-myth the common beliefs.

One of my long time mentors, Eben Pagan, once taught a seminar on teaching useful information.  He said, “As a teacher you can never assume your audience even knows the basics of what you know.  That assumption will not interpret the way you want it to and you will lose your listeners.”  Without practical steps to take, tools, and useful advice one becomes just another opinion on a matter that would probably be useful if had the vehicle to get there.  And that is what we always strive to do at our seminars;  to give you the proper steps to take that anyone can apply to their lives for improvement.  Until next time.

 

William M. Jeffries

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