8 Guys Who Sabotage Attraction On Facebook: Part 2

On Wednesday we started this little trip down Facebook lane. I promised you we’d finish Friday and I think we’re a few hours late but it’s still fresh press so it is all good. Enjoy the rest and feel free to share your thoughts.

The Armchair Critic

armchair

Ah, the armchair critic.  This particular guy I have to be honest and admit I have fallen into this category multiple times.  Fortunately I have patient and kind friends who gently help me realize that perhaps I’m not the expert (In certain categories.) as much as I’d like to be.  I will never be the President of the United States.  Nor would I want to be.  Or the head coach for whatever college or professional team.  I wouldn’t want that job either.

We all know the Armchair Critic.  This is the guy who is so quick to criticize people who are actually trying to make a difference.  It may not be what they think is the best, but if you take bias opinions out, and the emotional pull of “being right” you are left with the notion that professionals have a lot of critics.  Most of which don’t have the talent to lace the shoes of the pros.

They litter your newsfeed with how awful a politician is.  And like the Debater never checks Snopes before posting disparaging “facts” about whatever horrible thing they’ve done now.  The Armchair politician, critic, coach…it doesn’t matter, he takes full advantage of having the luxury to never ever have to step up to the plate himself.

So what’s the issue?  We understand the need to vent from time to time of your frustrations of politics when they go awry.  Or to vent from time to time of the social injustices that we see spread across the headlines.  We get it.  The Armchair Critic takes it to whole new level.  Suddenly he knows all the in-betweens.  Criticizes people as though he’s been on the front lines himself.  And all of his online friends hear it daily.

And other than being a critic, one could ask what is being done about the issue?  One would think that’d be an important question to ask.  What are you, Armchair Critic, doing about your situation?  Where is your cause?  Remember in the last blog post we mentioned actually taking up a cause?  Yeah, doing something about an issue is way hotter.  Girls love guys who dive into their work.  Remember that old archetype of the hero saving people, and the girl of the story just digs it?   What if the people are your cause?   Jump in, take some hits, and go for it.  Or, sit and bitch about something that A) you have no control over.  B) Have no incentive to rise to the cause. C) Not even close to being an expert in.  Which do you think sounds more attractive?  We’ll let you do the math.

How do you fix this?  Understand, first, that each of us falls somewhat, if not entirely into these names listed.  Myself included.  Which is why it’s important to take a step back and look past the need for that second class payoff of human validation.  A wise friend once told me, “All politicians, priests, pastors, coaches, and professionals are either God or the Devil in the eyes of men.  Few fall in-between.  But once you understand that most people truly want to do their best, and we remove our bias, and understand they are more than likely doing their best; you can then see them for who they truly are.”  We could also add that in all truth, we couldn’t handle that job.  Truth be told, we should ask ourselves a lot of questions.  Like the ones I mentioned above, and ask yourself if you’re just finger pointing.  A good indicator is if you truly believe, for example, our country is in trouble because of them!  Whoever “them” might be.  Who was it who told me, “It takes two to tango.”  Something to consider for all of us.

Negative Neil

negative

Negative Neil is a combination of a few people here.  Btw, if your name is Neil, this is pure coincidence.  Unless you’re negative 95% of the time, then yes this is specifically about you.  Neil here is a combination of The Debater, the Dramateer, and the Armchair Critic.   But he simplifies.  Which is sorta good.  Sorta.

You see, in his eyes, the World is rubbish.  Everything is rubbish.  Life is rubbish.  Job is rubbish.  Family and marriage is rubbish.  And if you post something on your own wall, trying to be positive, he will come in with something to counter it.  Not just once in a while.  ALL THE TIME.   This is the guy who even his closest friends have to say, “Can you just chill out with the negative, we understand your life sucks right now.”

This guy is different than say, your friend who really did have Life take a big steaming load on him and had to vent a little.  Or vent for a few days for that matter.  Negative Neil vents all day long.  Every single day.  Sometimes even tries to be funny about it unsuccessfully.

negative jerk

So what’s the issue?  I learned VERY fast in the coaching business that people run from negativity.  That is, negativity from other people.  Sort of like the guy who hasn’t showered in ten weeks noticing the guy who hasn’t showered in five.  Again, in general, people run from negativity.  That level of consistency can wear a person out.  I remember a while back while dating this girl, everything that we talked about was negative.  Everything.  I went home feeling poisoned.  That was the last I saw her.

Most people can tolerate a good chunk of negativity.  But let’s say you go on a few dates, and everything that comes out of your mouth ends on a bad note.  It won’t be long before she moves on, if she hasn’t already in her own mind.  Sometimes they just want to be polite and let you down easy.

How do you fix this?  I know that it is sometimes very hard to stay positive.  And I know, times do get tough and it is even often impossible to do it all the time!  Monitor your words.  Have a friend repeat back to you what you said so you can hear for yourself.  Sometimes hearing it, how it sounds from someone else, helps us realize just how negative we can sound.  Do your best to live with your cup half full for a bit.  May feel awkward at first, and fake, but remember, not everyone knows what you’ve been through.  Use it to empower you, not bring yourself and others down.

The Pot Stirrer

pot stirrer2

This is a toxic combination of the Dramateer, Debater, and Negative Neil, with a side salad of the other names mentioned.  The Pot Stirrer lives off of the accelerated emotion of people arguing over the internet.  Often they post a controversial news link just to stir up the crowd, and then argue for the sake of keeping the argument going.

Aside from that, the Pot Stirrer plays chameleon.  They send messages to friends, about other friends so they can watch the events unfold.  Not always so careful about how discreet they are, they’re usually found out.

So what’s the issue?  A better question is, “What isn’t the issue?”  I find if someone is eager to speak toxicity about everyone else, you can wager they’re doing the same to you.  I always lose my trust in them.  As far as attraction is concerned, most people you want to date will run from this quality.  It is both distrusting and reeks of childishness.

How do you fix this?  If you find yourself, similar to the Dramateer, in the middle of toxic relationships, and can never seem to avoid them, there is a good chance you’re part of them.  It takes a hard look in the mirror to take a look at the situations and why you feel compelled to tell “Sam” what “Joe” said about him.  Then turn around and tell “Joe” what “Sam’s” response was.

One way to take care of this; if you have friends that you know are not getting along, then doesn’t talk about that friend.  It is as simple as refusing to take part in gossip.  If they want a message sent, then let them send the message themselves, in person.  People respect someone who refuses to be a part of the poison.

The Racist, Bigot, Sexist

racist bigot

I placed all three here because they all belong in the same boat really.  Each has their own flavor of ignorance, but isn’t put off by allowing those around them to experience it.  I have to bring them up because though they seem few and far between, each shows up from time to time.  And when they do, it is common they are left to their ignorance without any questions asked.

They leave slandering comments that put genders, races, groups, and “types” on a lower class level than themselves.  Justified by, “observation,” they get away with it as no one tells them otherwise.

So what’s the issue?  Where to start on this?  Let’s just get this out; that more needs to be done to bring awareness to this level of ignorance.  Majority of which is bred out of fear.  I’ve seen it against homosexuality, against religions, against women, and a multitude of races.  There really isn’t a quicker way to show the world your personal level of ignorance than to be blatantly blind to it.

As far as attraction is concerned, most people you will want to date will be sensitive to one or more areas.  Usually more.  And they will cut you off like a dead limb at the first racist, bigoted, or sexist comment.

sexist

How do you fix this?  A friend once encouraged me to seek out all forms of media.  Learn all sides of the coin, even the side it balances on.  Never assume that “truth” is the same as “fact.”  And more importantly, just because others may agree with you, that doesn’t mean you or your idea is right.  Be willing to unlearn unhealthy ideas about other cultures, peoples, and creeds.  Be willing to KNOW those people and learn.  You will learn more from doing that level of homework than a lifetime of ignorance.

And finally, to wrap them all up together, look in the mirror.  Though we encourage you not to be overcritical of yourself, and to be encouraging, we also encourage you to work on yourself.  Be willing to take those steps and know what you can and cannot control.  And be willing to let go of toxic or poisonous ideas.  Piece by piece, we can encourage and coach others to do the same.

William M. Jeffries

 

One Response to 8 Guys Who Sabotage Attraction On Facebook: Part 2

  1. gta 5 cheats says:

    I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good.
    I don’t know who you are but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if you are not already 😉 Cheers!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *