How to Approach a Woman Like a D*#!&%-Bag: Quick Guide

This article is for those men who actually want to come across as a flying douche-monkey when approaching women.  I mean, let’s face it, not all guys actually WANT to improve themselves and just want to “be themselves,” as some have put it.  And other boys simply just want to chase girls away as fast as possible.  Brilliant!  In that case, once again we have UK writer and blogger, Lexi Gunn here to give you a quick four step guide on the fastest way to come across as one to a woman. ~William M. Jeffries


By Lexi Gunn

How to Approach a Woman Like a Dirtbag

Being a dirtbag is certainly a way to get a woman to walk away. She wants to be treated with respect and feel like you are really interested in her. So, what can you do to make her run away? What actions will make you come across as a sleeze or dirtbag?

Here are the top four tips for approaching women like a dirtbag.

There was this time..I did this was a big deal.  I'm a big deal too...

There was this time..I did this thing…it was a big deal. I’m a big deal too…

Talk About Yourself and Brag About Your Accomplishments

One thing that women really hate is a man who constantly brags about himself. When you introduce yourself to a woman, instantly tell her all about the celebrities you know and the high position you have at work. Tell her all about how friends constantly turn to you for help, and brag about every single accomplishment you have.

Got that gold medal in your high school swimming gala? She definitely needs to know all about how you outswam your competition. Helped a burglar get away in court because of a technicality? She wants to know all about your cases as a sleezy defence lawyer.

It's all about me...and mostly me...pretty much just me.

It’s all about me…and mostly me…pretty much just me.

Bring the Conversation Back to You at All Times

There will be times that she tries to tell you about her. Don’t let her do this! You don’t want to know about her day or what she does for a living. She has to know all about you.

So, every time she tries to steer the conversation to her or onto another subject, bring it all back to you. There is always going to be a way to do that. Is she talking about her prized pooch back home? Tell her all about the animal shelter you helped close down, or the dog that you gave up for adoption because it was too much hassle for you.

Not giving her a chance to speak and not listening to her are sure-fire ways to be a dirtbag.

Fantastic...let me order for you then me...

Fantastic…let me order for you then me…

Get Her to Buy the Drinks

Never put your hand in your pocket for drinks. Wait until she offers to buy you a drink, or until she makes it clear that she could do with another. Then just give her your order and wait for her to go and get it.

If you’re at a restaurant with people waiting on you, make sure you get your order in first. You could even take the liberty to order a drink for the woman you’re on a date with. Don’t ask her first, though! At the end of the meal, pass her the bill and then just walk out. She’ll be left in the difficult position to pay for it all herself.

The same goes for a meal if you’re going out. Make sure she pays for it all. Don’t even offer to repay her at a later date.



Keep Your Eye Out for Other Options

Your eyes should never be on the woman you’re on a date with. You should always keep your eyes out for other options. You just never know when something better will come your way.

When you spot someone who is better looking, make sure you comment to your date about it. Tell her why this stranger is prettier than the woman in front of her. You could even give your date tips to be prettier and sexier.

If you’re just meeting someone for the first time, don’t leave until the end of the night. Never go home with her if she’s leaving. Wait until the very end. If she’s still there and there is no one else who catches your attention, by all means go home with her. Going to hers is much better because you can leave straight away.

Now you know how to approach a woman and treat her like a dirtbag. Remember to keep chatting about yourself and bragging about the things you’ve done. You don’t need to listen to her, at all. Oh and one final note: don’t forget those cheesy and sleezy pickup lines. You could even continue then through the night! Enjoy!




One Response to How to Approach a Woman Like a D*#!&%-Bag: Quick Guide

  1. Ann Abbitz says:

    LOL I was absolutely rolling with laughter while reading this! You’ve definitely hit the nail on the head here…
    Guys, ANY of those behaviors above will – without a doubt – result in ANY woman you approach walking away from you thinking, “Wow… What a D*#!&%-Bag!”

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